Room in my Heart

Little people who rock my world

2011-03-10T12:31:00.005+08:00

Muslim

2010-09-24T16:29:00.004+08:00

If there is one thing I have done right as a mum, it is sending Zain to a Muslim Montessori. Along with all the bad words he's picked up, he seems to have gotten hooked onto all things Islam. From saying his doas (supplications), to his latest preoccupation, solat (praying).

During Ramadhan, he wanted to visit "Allah's House" so we took him to the masjid (mosque). He took it all so seriously, from his baju korong (that's the way he pronounces it) to how he neatly left his slippers outside the masjid. He sat through the terawikh in all seriousness. The nenek next to us asked for his name, but he wouldn't so much as twitch a muscle in her direction. Never had I seen such full concentration and earnestness in my 3-year-old.

He has since learned his Al-Fateha, Al-Ikhlas and ayat Kursi. Oh and most part of the Asma'ul Husna. We listen to "Allah's song" ALL.THE.TIME in the car and before we sleep. I have since taught him Barney's rain song so we have something to sing while he's in the toilet. He takes his solat seriously, although a couple of times he farted then looked around to see if anyone noticed.

I remember standing outside your classroom Zain, watching you standing there, chest out, proudly belting out Allah's 99 names. It was amazing, mama felt like crying. Lately, I peeked in again, and having heard you sing all these songs over and over, didn't think I had anything new to watch. Then I watched you put your small fist upon your heart, and say, I am a Muslim, My religion is Islam, Allah is my God, Muhammad is my Prophet, and I felt like crying all over again. This, such a vast change from the time I stood out there crying in your first few days at school having seen you sit there, crouched over cos you didn't wanna go to school. Alhamdullilah, mama is thankful.

Little Alya, always game to go along for the ride, has also taken to fmayang (sembahyang). Although she goes around while we pray trying to make people laugh. My sweet beautiful Alya.

Walking to Masjid Taqwa

When all the other kids went rushing for bandung, my sweet Zain could only have water. But he loves water, luckily. So as a reward for sitting through Terawikh, he had cold water.

Besties...if only on the odd weekday

2010-08-31T13:15:00.007+08:00

So it's been some time. It's terrible how FB and the iPhone make it just that much easier to update the world as compared to this blog. But I forget that I need to update this for the kids. So kids, here's a bunch of shots (from mama's iPhone, or course) so you'd both remember what good companions you can be to each other. The one thing you both agree on on any given day is beloved Bededean.

More Chomping

2010-06-07T17:29:00.003+08:00

Alya, you make raisins look really really delicious.

The brother-sister dynamics

2010-06-07T17:22:00.002+08:00

About a year ago, Zain used to bully Alya. He'd take a swipe at her when no one was watching, or dig his nails in for no apparent reason, or tug her hair whenever he could. Today the tables are turned. The other day, Alya took a bite at Zain's tummy. And this was because he had wanted to hug her and pulled her to him. She chomped so hard it almost drew blood.

But there is also something in these two that tells me these two will protect each other fiercely. As much as one annoys the other, they defend each other against external forces like other kids at the playground.

I love you two like crazy.

Chomp Chomp

2010-06-07T17:16:00.002+08:00

My Little Artist

2010-05-23T22:37:00.001+08:00

The Haircut

2010-04-27T15:56:00.003+08:00

BEFORE

AFTER

Things I don't wanna forget

2010-04-12T15:49:00.010+08:00

- Zain says:
"Shuda-layla my favouwite" when he tastes something he really likes (see watermelon video below)
- Aized saw Zain's pants were falling off his waist, so she asked him, "Zain, have you lost weight?"
He said, "No, Masi, I lost my belt!"
- Zain's biggest mispronunciation to date:
Sha-gev. This means Shovel
- The way Zain wipes away his tears, puts on a brave face and says "I not crying".

- Alya wakes up with a gorgeous, triumphant smile.
- She reads like a genius like she does the Chinese characters in the video below.
- Her favourite fruit is A-poo (apple)
- Zain once was angry with Hafiz, so he sulked, walked past and punched the air in Hafiz's direction. Alya got up from the floor, walked after her brother and did exactly the same thing.
- She goes up to Zain if he's a grump and hugs him.

-

My Big Boy of 3

2010-03-16T23:24:00.004+08:00

My darling son

It's hard to believe that three years ago I was going through a labour I would not wish on anyone
And today you're this charming, gorgeous, loving being that I can't seem to stop thinking about
Today, on your last day of being a two-year-old, you told me three things before you fell asleep
One, that you wanna see Baba, as he has been away for 3 days
Two, that you miss Alya (funny that, you spent the whole day with her)
Three, in your normal fashion, "I want Mama, Mama", to which I would answer "And I want Zain, Zain".

I always joke, that you probably say the word "Mama" three thousand times a day
You do, you know
And I don't know if when you're reading this, you are at an age where you say Mama in exasperation (I hope this never happens)
But I am honoured Zain

I am honoured that you run to me when I get home
I'm honoured that only I can bring you to the toilet, dress you and a plethora of other seemingly mundane duties
I'm honoured that you make a fuss when I leave you to go to work
I'm honoured that you say Mama like I'm the most important person in the world
I'm honoured that at the end of each day, you tell me I wanna go back to Mama's house
I'm honoured to be your Mama.

The other day, you were laying in bed
And I came to you and pressed my ear to your chest to listen for wheezing
And you said, "What's wrong Mama?"
I said nothing's wrong darling.
You said, "Oooooh you love me!"
and I said of course I love you
You said, "That's amazing!"

It is, isn't it Zain
It is amazing how much Mama loves you
What's more amazing is that I will always feel this way.

I love you more than you'll ever know, Zain
Happy 3rd Birthday

May Allah protect your heart
And give you iman and health
May you grow wise and strong

Love, Mama

Below: Pics from the birthday party. See more on my FaceBook!

In case you wanted to remember

2010-03-01T17:00:00.003+08:00

Just the tip of the planning that went into your birthday party. Thought I post it before I threw it away. Pics soon...

Zain and Alya’s Birthday Party, 27 Feb 2010, Fika (Upstairs), 2-6pm

Guest List

Little people

Boys Girls
1. Zain (3yrs) * 2. Alya (1yr) *
3. Dean (1 month) * 4. Syafiqah (9 yrs) *
5. Erfan (4 yrs) * 6. Rania Jan (1yr) *
7. Rayyan (2yrs) * 8. Carina (7yrs) *
9. Quayyum (10 yrs) * 10. Nurulain (8yrs)
11. Rohin (8yrs) * 12. Maisarah (7yrs)
13. Sharad (6 yrs) * 14. Dahlia (2.5yrs) *
15. Raphael (10 yrs) * 16. Trisha (6yrs) *
17. Danial (10yrs) 18. Megan (2.5yrs) *
19. Anaqi (2.5 yrs) 20. Letitia (2yrs) *
21. Hanis (2.5yrs) * 22. Sofiah (7yrs)*
23. Ahmad Abdillah (1yr) * 24. Sahar (3yrs) *
25. Aaryan (1yr) * 26. Nikisha (1yr) *
27. Gerard (2yrs) * 28. Ning (7yrs) *
29. Aaqil (7yrs) * 30.
31. Isaac (2yrs) *
* RSVP-ed

Big people

Immediate family
Hafiz, Azreen, Mummy, Abah, Aized, Riz, Tas, Hesham, Masibok, Mami, Ayah, Faiz, Sheila, Halimi, Jaja, Rafique = 16

Mummy’s family
Masi Ju (2), Masi Main (2), Girly (2), Iki (2), Cha2 Zul (3), Cha2 Khaled (2), Masi Ruft (2) = 15

Abah’s family
Masi Arfa (1), Priya (2), Nichelle (1), Masi Farida (1), Masi Ani (3), Cha2 Dol (1), Masi Lailah (2) = 11

Hafiz’s family
Pak Dok (3), Pak Beh (4), Mak Chu (3) = 10

Friends
Arlene (2), Helen (2), Dom (2), Angie (2), Maggie (1), Melissa (1), Riesta (2), Din (2), Janice (2), Liza Yet (2), Farhat (2), Charmaine (2) = 22

Balloons
Delivery - On 27 Feb, 12nn-1pm (sat), in the morning to Fika Swedish Cafe and Bistro, corner of Arab St and Beach rd.

1) Package 1: $80 + $14.90 for additional pooh balloon
2 jumbo character foil - 30" Lightning McQueen + 20" Adorable Pooh 720704
2x 18" character foil - 18" Cars Happy Birthday 2SD 654962 and 18" Pooh Group Birthday 618315
2x 18" shape foil balloons
34 pcs loose helium filled latex (Assorted light pearlized colors)

Total: $94.45 (after discount)

PAID
POSB Savings
126-42381-0 Balloons
Amount
S$94.45
Transaction Reference
2683165843

Things to buy

Table covers
Sculpting balloons

Bought

Pooh Pinata + candy stuffing
24 stationery sets
16 Cars cups/ 12 Princess cups
Clippy things
Neon sticks
Lipstick candy
Tattoos (to pack w small bowls for water and sponges)

Ordered
Balloon racers - $1.45 x 12 = $17.40
Fire extinguisher - $1.80 x 12 = $21.60
Rabbit bubbles - $0.95 x 12 = $11.40
Fish bubbles - $0.95 x 12 = $11.40
Purse bags - $9 for 12

Food

Mummy – Alya’s Princess cake

Mami – Chicken rice

Masibok – Cupcake giveaways, sausages and fishballs on sticks, chicken nuggets

Fika catering – Mini salmon quiches, pasta bake, open-face sandwiches, salad, mango juice, coffee/tea

Azreen – to pick up Zain’s cake, Sabreena, 144 Holland Road
01-146 Holland Court, m: (65) 9816 7974 on 26 Feb, Friday 12nn. To collect Cars on rice paper on 25 Feb. Buy Blueberries for rim.

The Joys of Being Zain & Alya

2010-02-24T23:49:00.004+08:00

Call it working parents' guilt or an overwhelming need to tire the kids out in the hope of a good night's sleep, but I just realised we pack the weekends tight! And tighter it has been in the past months since we've been helper-less, which means we're squeezing in doing 3 loads of laundry in between making the house not look whirlwind-hit, cooking meals and ensuring all family members are clean and nourished.

This kinda chaos forces one to be creative - I've since taught Zain how to start the washing machine, I cook 4-in-1 meals, which means every one eats the same food give or take some ingredients (I make chicken rice which is a little softer than regular with shredded carrot and chopped broccoli so Alya eats it too, and roast chicken, which Zain will eat. Hafiz and I get chilli with ours, voila!), we make a game out of watering my plants (inadvertently Alya ends up inside the pail of water, which doubles up as her bath), and the list goes on.

But once all this is out of the way, we go out. And it can be like last Sunday, Jacob Ballas in the morning, kids are fed lunch there, a visit to see my best friend and her new baby in Gleneagles, a stop off at Nenek's house for a nap, then to the beach to meet friends and their kids, then we all troop back home for a home-delivered meal (which I order on-route), after which our friends leave, and we have two exhausted kids and two equally exhausted parents.

And it only occurs to me how much we've packed in when I start downloading pics at the end of Sunday. Here's a tasting:

Oh wait, just realised the beach pictures are from Saturday and Sunday. Yes, they love the beach.

My Beautiful 1-Year-Old

2010-01-12T23:19:00.002+08:00

Little Miss Alya is quite the character. Fortunately, since you have to have a sense of humour living with those two crazy boys.

Happy 1st Birthday Noor Alya

2010-01-12T22:53:00.003+08:00

Abang Zain proudly wanted to help with arranging the birthday jelly (allergies = no dairy)

"I have to bring Alya her Birthday cake," said a proud big brother

A bemused birthday girl

Parents looking slightly tired after a swim, countless bottles, diaper changes etc

Really pretty things, although they don't taste as good as they look

Birthday girl gets a taste

And the rest, they say is history

We took the short plane ride to KL, in a desperate attempt to get out of starting 2010 slogging in the office. So we packed the 6-or-so bags, a whole pantry, 4 litres of diamond water, a pram, a tricycle and a helmet into the car which Abah and Hafiz drove up, so we could still have the convenience of private wheels in KL.

We stayed at the glorious Royale Chulan in what turned out to be one of the best hotel stays we've had.

On 8 January, my beautiful Alya turned 1! She's a bounding handful now, her steps still slightly wobbly, but she's bent on touching and tasting everything. She says mama to get my attention, and is always armed with a brilliant smile. Alya says her name with such clarity, waves bye bye and gives the sweetest albeit wettest kisses.

Noor Alya, you've been nothing but a joy to have around. I love the way you're so tough, weathering all of Abang's playful gnaws and blows. I love the way you fight for what you believe is right, such as claiming ownership to your drinking straw. I love you cheeky streak, we all know where that comes from. You're beautiful, and brilliant and gorgeous.

Happy Birthday sweet Noor Alya.

Mama loves you more than you know.

Zain Hearts Cha2

2009-12-29T16:24:00.004+08:00

Mohammad Zain thru his Nenek's lens

2009-11-23T23:52:00.002+08:00

Noor Alya as seen through her Nenek's lens

2009-11-23T23:45:00.001+08:00

Ikan Kekek

2009-11-23T14:54:00.002+08:00

These are songs from my childhood - a Zain rendition. We're calling this the Mak Bom Medley cos she bought us a wonderful CD that has given the Raihan CD some much needed rest. Honestly, I cannot stress importance of teaching our kids these songs... If not for the continuance of our very own culture, then for the surprised look on the oldies' faces when Zain belts them out at the top of his voice. Never fails to bring on the smiles as they recall singing these tunes in their childhood, where entertainment was far from computer games, YouTube videos and Wii. But these even took me back to when I used to play five stones on the canteen floor and clapping games to "Air pasang pagi, surut pukul lima".

Malay folk songs are so wonderfully whimsical, yet full of sage advise on the ways of the world. Some are even prophetic! Take "Ikan Kekek" for example. In reference to the whale asking the crab where has the clear blue waters gone and why are our oceans now murky, they ask the question, "Adakah ini angkara manusia yang sombong?" Did they foretell the environmental crisis we live in today as a result of human carelessness?

"Bangau oh Bangau" that often plays in my head even as I work teaches Zain about the food chain. "SIngapura dilanggar todak" makes me feel quite proud that we've actually got a song of our own. "Enjet Enjet semut has this wonderful dikir barat part that even gets Alya clapping. And "Rasa Sayang", I just love having Zain sing it cos he lisps at every "S" and there are so many!

Thanks Mak Bom, this is for you.

My Two Peas in a Pod

2009-11-15T23:34:00.001+08:00

Raspberries

2009-10-12T23:30:00.003+08:00

Alya really doesn't like water

Zikir

2009-10-12T23:20:00.003+08:00

May you always say Allah's name with such gusto

Zain-isms Part II

2009-09-18T23:33:00.003+08:00

Computer
me: com
he: com
me: pu
he: pu
me: ter
he: ter
me: computer
he: pongketer

A K Obsession
"Mama, are you comink?"
Ditto for :
Goink, doink
Are we going swimmink?
Are you doing somethink?

A T Obsession
"Up Up and Away, aeroplane-t"

Ketiak (armpit)
me: ke
he: ke
me: tiak
he: tiak
me: ketiak
he: tekiak

This, an extension of his kapai jabu phase, which he has since corrected.

More to come, when I remember.

Our First Family Portrait

2009-09-16T10:28:00.003+08:00

Humanly impossible to get them both smiling. But Zain smiling for the camera is a rarity. Had this one printed on canvas!

Prelude to Hari Raya

2009-09-14T00:30:00.002+08:00

We did a pre-Hari Raya shoot so we'd have some nice shots by the big day. It was, to say the least, challenging but the out-takes are HILARIOUS! Alya was squirmy. Zain was fascinated by the lights. These were taken as we waited for the ShotByReds to be shot. Watch this space, more to come.

Little Man & His Machine

2009-09-07T22:50:00.001+08:00

Zain wipes his car down every night with a Wet One

Jiggety Jig

2009-09-07T10:41:00.001+08:00

See Alya's footwork! Will get better footage soon.

My Favourite Picture

2009-08-30T00:14:00.006+08:00

I took Zain to the zoo, which by far is my favouritest place in Singapore. It's amazing and the KidsWorld is brilliant. Zain loved that Dahlia was there too, they sat in the wagon, shared saliva, a punnet of blueberries, packet of fries after the swim and Zain insisted on piloting the wagon. Thing about Zain is that he doesn't smile easily, so we hardly get happy pictures of him. I tend to have the word "sullen" in mind every time I download the latest batch of pics, although he generally is a happy boy with one cheeky sense of humour.

One of the things I do is to snap a whole lot (thank God for digital eh?) in the hope that one may come out with a hint of jubilation. And this one did! Nothing like a hot chick on wheels (complete with Jackie O shades) to bring on the smiles!

My Loves, My Life

2009-08-21T23:42:00.002+08:00

Always made it a point to buy other colours than the blue-for-boys, pink-for-girls. Guess I fall into that trap every once in a while.

My Little Girl

2009-08-18T09:51:00.002+08:00

Noor Alya,

I watched you sleep last night
and marveled at your lashes
that look like they've been mascara-ed
and that cute button nose
and thin set lips
Allah gave me a thing of such beauty

The moment Dada laid eyes on you
he said this girl will be beautiful
and calls you Dada's sweetheart
each time he speaks of your beauty
I say a silent prayer
that you will be just as beautiful on the inside

And you're already showing signs of beauty within
you always have a ready laugh
and you watch Abang Zain with such amusement
(although he is really quite amusing)
and you're so independent and easy going

Noor Alya, you're a wonderful gift.

Gorgeous Cousins

2009-08-06T14:18:00.003+08:00

Zain & Alya's cousins, Harris and Jasmin.
Presumably also their first penpals.

Similar Brilliance

2009-07-29T14:39:00.002+08:00

Brilliant

2009-07-29T14:08:00.002+08:00

She always managed to capture what was most poignant, something too many directors/writers/artists substitute for sex, or whatever else may sell. I pass on the blockbusters, but made it a point to watch Muallaf (Alya, you watched, too, from inside my belly) and I'm so glad I did. I love her productions - be it movies or advertisements - like Hafiz loves P. Ramlee's. Her brilliance surpassed that of any Singaporean or any other writer/director, in my books a least. Now who's gonna make me want to watch another movie?

May Allah guard you for all the good you've done.

Yasmin Ahmad marathon at mine this weekend?

Baby In, Baby Out

2009-07-22T10:45:00.002+08:00

Allah gave me

2009-07-06T10:05:00.001+08:00

Religion

2009-07-05T23:53:00.011+08:00

Today Zain was listening to my favourite Nasyid again and again in the car. It's beautiful - it's about how the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) went through so many obstacles to ensure the religion Islam was set among the stars. See this with translation:

Some people who read this blog have asked me, shocked, "Oh, so you're actually a practising Muslim ah?" (Du-uh you're never met one?). You know I find it amusing, that people love to tell me stories like it's funny... "You know I had this Muslim friend who'd cabut with us to skip Friday prayers and makan at Bedok," but I never thought of answering "You know I knew of this non-Muslim, who when it came to the day for worship, would be too hungover to lift his head from his pillow. Hahaha isn't that a funny story?" Why do good comebacks only come to me much later?

You know, it is this peaceful multi-racial society in peril when someone was telling this story about a girl who had parents of two beliefs and she was given a choice and she chose to be a Muslim. After which this person didn't think twice to tell me, "I can't imagine why?" Uh well, "Cos she's smart!"

So my point is, NO, you don't get to belittle my religion like that just because I seem to be secular in my thinking and lifestyle. I don't do it to yours. You don't get to make charged comments just because your read something in the news which, anyway, is viewed through myopic media eyes. And please, you're in the media too. I confess, I may not be the best example of a Muslim, but I'm working towards it. I welcome questions, just not sneering ones.

In case you're wondering, I am a Muslim and proud of it. My babies will grow up Muslims, with strong identity and conviction. And here are some answers to the rest of the questions: Yes, I will, one day wear a hijab, God willing, and may it be sooner rather than later. Yes, I do pray five times a day, and no, it is not leceh - it is very spiritually uplifting. No, fasting is not cruel, much the opposite and yes, I did it while I was pregnant and will do it while breastfeeding; like I say, don't worry, I won't waste away. Yes, I will one day, God willing, love to walk around the black box (fyi, it's called the Ka'bah, the pilgrimage is called the Haj).

Some nice quotes on the prophet I came across today:

"I have always held the religion of Muhammad in high estimation because of its wonderful vitality. It is the only religion which appears to me to possess that assimilating capacity to the changing phase of existence which can make itself appeal to every age. I have studied him - the wonderful man and in my opinion far from being an anti-Christ, he must be called the Saviour of Humanity. I believe that if a man like him were to assume the dictatorship of the modern world, he would succeed in solving its problems in a way that would bring it the much needed peace and happiness: I have prophesied about the faith of Muhammad that it would be acceptable to the Europe of tomorrow as it is beginning to be acceptable to the Europe of today."
- George Bernard Shaw

"My choice of Muhammad to lead the list of the world's most influential persons may surprise some readers and may be questioned by others, but he was the only man in history who was supremely successful on both the religious and secular levels. Of humble origins, Muhammad founded and promulgated one of the world's great religions, and became an immensely effective political leader. Today, thirteen centuries after his death, his influence is still powerful and pervasive."
- Michael Hart

Wannabi Hijabi

2009-06-26T14:22:00.004+08:00

Masibok came back from Umrah with this for Alya.

Alya, wait, let mama be the hijabi first ok?

Cousins

2009-06-17T09:54:00.004+08:00

Rohin, Sharad, Mohammad Zain, Noor Alya and Rania Jaan
Absent with apologies: Raphael & Carina and Harris & Jasmine
I hope you guys grow to be wonderful cousins, as mine are.

The Queens

2009-06-17T09:48:00.003+08:00

Noor Alya and Rania Jaan
They're both born about 3 months apart and have names of queens of Jordan.
And while Alya may look so much bigger now, Rania will soon catch up and I'm so excited to see how close they'll be as cousins.
Photography by my talented Priya.

Beat the Heat

2009-06-09T23:48:00.004+08:00

It was Alya's first swim, the day she turned 5 months and she was one cool cat in her float. Totally at ease. Big brother Zain proudly pushed her around the pool till he got distracted by the little girl who'd watch over him in the cutest way - "Thamby, don't do that, it's dangerous".

My Cutie Cat in a Hat

2009-06-09T23:41:00.001+08:00

My Birthday

2009-06-09T23:29:00.006+08:00

Getting older makes me take stock of my life
And as I crossed 30 (last year)
I learnt that it's not about measuring my life against others'
Or thinking about the 'what ifs'
Now I find myself thinking of my wonderful babies
My wonderful husband and family
And I think to myself..
Wow, I must have done something right.

Zain

2009-06-01T01:17:00.002+08:00

Alya

2009-06-01T01:09:00.001+08:00

Happy Little People

2009-06-01T00:53:00.002+08:00

The era of the boots has dawned upon us

2009-05-22T00:00:00.002+08:00

MasiBok and I walked two rounds around Vivo, and then to HarbourFront to find him these boots. You see, he had a swanky pair of Thomas ones lugged (by Bok of course) all the way from London, but Zain's long feet were at least two sizes too big. But he'd force his feet in, and they wouldn't go far, so he'd balance on tip toes but still insisted on wearing them. So we had to go get these for him, but I tell ya, just for his reaction, I'd pay a million bucks. Now he lives in them.

Ang Go Beach

2009-05-21T23:53:00.003+08:00

That's Zain's Sunday morning mantra, which means I wanna go to the beach. If it's not the beach, it's Ang Go Eeport - I wanna go to the airport. It's a good thing we live in the east.

So we have taken to going to East Coast beach, where he can watch the aeroplanes AND play at the beach.

My Little High Flyer

2009-05-21T23:41:00.003+08:00

To be honest, I upload these pictures so I can see them while I'm at work.

Side Profiles

2009-05-21T23:37:00.004+08:00

Mama's Beauty

2009-05-18T11:22:00.000+08:00

To My Babies

2009-05-11T13:16:00.002+08:00

We started off yesterday with a walk at the beach which we do every weekend
Took our time by the horse pens
Then went to see the tractors
That's when it started to rain
We took refuge in an octagon shelter with six cement stools
It wasn't just us, we shared it with a teenage couple who were on a cycling date
And a Chinese couple who had been camping
The guy took off to hide in the toilet, leaving his wife sitting in the cold with the bags and tent
And a lone cyclist who didn't look up from his papers to see the beautiful storm

We ate our peanut butter sandwiches
Zain yours was roti and jam
Masi Aized calls my mobile
And Baba picks up and annoys her, lovingly
I motion for him to pass the phone quickly
And Masi Aized tells me she gets high blood pressure every Sunday morning when she calls me
We laugh, make plans for the day

I turn back to the two of you
Zain, you sit there, exhilarated by the sprays of rain that wet your face
And chuckle and squeal. You have a truly gorgeous smile
Alya, I cuddle you on my lap and wrap my pink striped nursing cover wrapped around you
And you sit perfectly quiet and cute, with a bemused look
Just taking it all in
Baba sits and frets that we should have made a run for the car
And worries you both feel cold

Around us, the rain is coming down crazy heavy
And the trees are bent out of posture
We can't see the ocean not 8 meters away
And pools of water start to gather around our feet
Just when the clouds seem to let up a little
And I say Oh look, it's letting up
The rain starts to drum down a notch harder
And Zain, you squeal again

But you know why we were stuck there
Amid impossibly heavy rain
With those 5 people
On Mother's Day morning?

Because the very therapy I needed was to sit with the three most important people in my life
In a situation we would never have carved for ourselves for all our silly fears
And laughing at the way Zain laughs with such heartfelt joy
Holding Alya like my life depended on it
I looked around me and tried to imagine what the lives of thee people were like
Yes I would love to go camping worry-free, or go on a cycling date
Or have time to read the papers
But there was something so empowering about protecting my babies from the elements
Something so overpowering that made me realise I wouldn't have my life any other way

When the storm petered to a drizzle
We made a mad dash
And splashed through muddy puddles much to your delight Zain
I reached the car first with you, Alya
And I lifted off the nursing cloth I used to keep you driest possible
You gave me the most beautiful smile
Which is why I call you Mama's Beauty

Zain and Alya
You inspire me
And give me a sense of purpose
Yesterday, without realising it, you gave me a great Mother's Day

The Best Sounds in the World II

2009-05-04T09:01:00.001+08:00

Back to Work

2009-04-30T09:32:00.001+08:00

I miss you little one
Especially those little rolls of fat
That make your look like you're wearing a bangle
I miss your smile
And cat cries
Mama loves you Alya

Conversations with a Mobile

2009-04-24T10:19:00.003+08:00

Gonna grow up to be a chatty one, Alya.

Z and D

2009-04-23T13:14:00.005+08:00

Zain and Dahlia are about 6 months apart so they make quite good playmates. So naturally people will comment, "skali they get married", to which we'd go, "Oh we're trying to avoid that so we can widen our circle of friends" or "Hafiz and Farhat besan kecoh beb". But having said that Zain and Dahlia still end up playing together quite a bit since the parents hang out quite a bit.

Zain loves D and asks for her sometimes, especially when he was hospitalised. They ended up dancing the Hot Dog Dance in his crib till he got a bit breathless so we had to cut that party. Nowadays, we joke about how they can get into bed or shower together, but next time if we find any of that kind of activity, they'd better watch out :p

Gratifyingly Delish!

2009-04-23T13:00:00.004+08:00

The thing about my beautiful Alya is that she is is such a sweetheart. She chats to herself when you're busy, puts herself to sleep at times, cries like a kitten and is just so agreeable (all of the above do not apply when I'm trying to make it through an exercise video). She's got a smile that makes early morning diaper changes something I actually look forward to. When my mummy friends were telling me of the joys of bringing up a daughter, I didn't think it'd be this immediate. You're a gem Alya.

And just to really drive the point home, this is Alya putting herself to sleep while I shop.

Hmmm Fascinating

2009-04-22T23:49:00.002+08:00

There's something about Hesham's face that really gets Zain's attention. Either that or Zain's destined for dentistry.

Extreme Babysitting

2009-04-12T23:25:00.001+08:00

Yup, that's Zain leaving his mark on Bok. See how grandmas spoil them? Now he's wanting to draw on me all the time.

Best Advice

2009-03-29T21:52:00.004+08:00

I'm so in love with:

I mentioned someone I respect a whole lot in one of my previous posts. Then, mid this week, I took a me day and left the two babies at my in-laws, did a bunch of errands (ok not all parts of it was a me day), got a massage at Physio Solutions (best place to get one), ate ice-cream, collected my past-30-years-old IC and went supermarketing and somewhere in between, I bumped into him at Eclectic Attic.

And there's something about this man, that's so genuine, so kind, so warm that you just wanna hug him and ask him if he had a day or two to spare so you can show him your life. His first question, "How many babies". His next, "Got picture?". And so we did the quick update exchange having not met for some two years. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, we slip into industry talk and as with almost every other industry, how bad things are in the one we're in. Then he said it. The one-liner that always leaves me recalling every conversation I have with him for days after; the pearls of wisdom that are the trademark of any encounter I have with him. The essence of this man's intelligence of charm and draw.

"Has it changed your life?" he asked. He caught me so offguard that I asked him, "What has?" He said, "Having babies."

And as much as I wax lyrical about my angels, I took a second too long to say, "Absolutely".

"Then make that the centre of your world. You have them and they are the most important. Everything else is secondary."

And when I said goodbye to him and told him, "It was good bumping into you", I have never meant it more in my life. This man, so successful and revered in the industry, could see beyond it all, could look into the maternal psyche and set my life in perspective. I walked out of that shop lighter on my feet. As I drove back to my babies, I thought about how inane, materialistic, selfish and egoistical my worries have been. I was worried about my increment this year, and how I need to up it the next year. I was gearing myself up to hit the ground running when I get back so I won't lag in the rat race. I was worried at having lost some ground having been away on maternity.

Of course I'm not about to let it all loose. I still believe in remaining competitive. But what I now realise is what I'm competing for.

I already have the best job in the world.

I'm a mum.

Growing Up

2009-03-27T18:53:00.003+08:00

Just three days into his life as a two-year-old, Zain was hospitalised for asthma. What started as a cough escalated into all-out wheezing. In the past, he would get over the wheezing after nebulising, which I did at home. But this time, the wheezing got worst, so I took him to see his paediatrician who gave him a 'neat' dose of the asthma meds. See normally its mixed with saline, but this time, he thought it severe enough to give him just the meds neat.

Then we took him home but he just couldn't get comfortable, so we kept on puffing him with doses of ventolin but even this wouldn't help him get over the wheezing crest. So by 2am, we decided to take him in to the A&E, where he was puffed some more and warded. Poor little boy couldn't get much rest there, as they kept puffing him every 15 minutes. Then later as the wheezing lessened, they decreased the regularity to half-, one-, two-, three-hourly and finally by day 3, four-hourly and he was discharged.

But we're still puffing him six hourly now, and probably for the next few months. Zain hates the puff, and he'd struggle and cry and thrash about. Poor sweetheart.

Probably the hardest part was watching him be so short of breath in the car on the way to the hospital. His every breath seemed like dragging a truck through sludge and his wheezing sounds filled the car. It still makes me feel a pang in the pit of my stomach thinking about it. It's one of those things that make you double over with desperation that you'd beg God to take it away from your child and give it to you instead. What really had me was when they placed a mask with oxygen to help bring his levels up, he clung to me so hard and cried, "Wun away mama" (Run away mama). See after his shower, I'll kneel on the footmat and towel him off, and he'd try to run away from me and he'd chuckle and say "Wun away mama". But that time, he actually was begging me to let him get away from this.

Over the three days, we shuttled back and forth, me exchanging Alya in the mornings with my mums, masibok making the late night and early morning trips with me. Hafiz would sleep the nights with Zain, while I went home so Alya could nurse, then we would exchange shifts. But Zain was thankfully his cheeky, playful, cheerful self, entertaining the other kids and nurses. We reckoned he thought it was a holiday stay away from home, except for the dreaded puffs.

But what God gives, He also took back and I think we left the hospital better parents. Hafiz would tell me that what we went through was nothing compared to what some parents there were facing. Some kids were pending surgery, some had asthma so bad they spent days in ICU, some had infections in the blood which required vials and vials to be drawn from them each day. It taught me to count my blessings and all things considered -- the people around me, the support I got from my parents, husband, sisters, aunts and friends, the efficiency of the hospital -- I realise I indeed have many.

The Faithful

2009-03-25T18:43:00.002+08:00

Alya Gets Loud

2009-03-19T12:35:00.002+08:00

This is for you Masi Nat
Love and Hugs always

Zain's first Ben & Jerry's

2009-03-19T12:14:00.002+08:00

They have options for people with allergies. Zain's first cup of Ben & Jerry's - kiwi and strawberry sorbet

Gorgeous

2009-03-19T12:12:00.003+08:00

Zain's Birthday Part I

2009-03-18T09:30:00.008+08:00

It was to be a mama&Zain day. Rizuan, being on holidays decided to tag along much to Zain's delight. Arlene took leave to spend the day with us, as only a good friend would, so Zain also had the company of beautiful Megan on his birthday.

It started off slow, at the Botanic Gardens, as Zain cleared the cobwebs from his head... So we started with feeding fish. It was beautiful weather; post-rain, fresh and dewy.

But before long, Zain found his feet and started off...

He ran

And ran

The mums

Then the day started to turn into a real scorcher, so we moved on to Jacob Ballas

Zain still had energy so we went to Bambinis, an adventure play area, while Megan, Arlene and I had lunch at Dempsey

How You've Grown

2009-03-16T16:43:00.002+08:00

Zain, today you turned two. It feels like yesterday I held you crinkly and a little weird-looking, although you've always looked perfect in my eyes. I remember I showed your picture to someone I respect a whole lot and he said you looked wise... like a wizened old man. That was when you were three months old, well before you true personality shone through. Today, you're a bubbly, playful, mischievous little man, who charms his way to everyone's heart and talks his way to complete adoration.

Since you've come into my life, Zain, I have changed in so many ways, from a constantly anxious new mum waiting outside the lab for your jaundice level results, to someone who knows there is a greater purpose in life other than material. Sometimes, I realise how almost every thought is on you. Every food label I read is to see if you can eat it. Sometimes I cross the dairy section at the supermarket and say a silent prayer that one day you will outgrow your allergies, but count my blessings for all the other things you are.

Your love for aeroplanes shows me what a passionate person you are, your affections for those around you hint at the loving person you'll grow up to be and your cheekiness shows me your zest for life.

Happy 2nd Birthday Zain
Mama loves you more than you know

My Pretty Little Lady

2009-03-09T13:57:00.002+08:00

A Zain Weekend

2009-03-09T11:55:00.008+08:00

Friday night we dashed out at 9pm to catch a ride on the Cadbury ferris wheel. He loved the lights, and thanks to the downturn, we were the only ones on the wheel, hence scoring an free round. Saturday we were headed to the airport to watch the planes. But just before the turn-off, we decided we rather enjoy the post-rain fresh air by the beach and watch planes without the glass in between, so we headed to the beach. Zain proudly pushed Alya's pram, splashed through puddles and had dinner on the breakwater. Sunday we went for a swim to beat the scorching sun.

Days Like These

2009-03-05T16:04:00.003+08:00

It's days like these when I have to unlatch you
To run to the windows to shut out the pouring rain
That I feel that we are the only two people in the world
And later when the drumming of the rain lightens
I crack the window a smidgen so the fresh air fills the room
And hide us under the covers
That I know for sure that I don't want the day to end.

It's days like these when the sun blazes outside
And I lay you down for your afternoon nap
And we hear the children in the school field
And the incessant traffic outside
I love it that the world goes on without us
I watch you in your peaceful sleep
And realise that each time I lay you down, that you've grown a little bigger, a little stronger, a little smarter
You are such a miracle, Alya

It's evenings like these that I nurse you on the sofa
And eagerly await your Abang Zain
He'll come to the gate and say As-sayang-akum MAMA!
And I'll put you down for a moment to greet him
And he'll come in, kick off his shoes and say, Alya?
I watch the two of you, him kissing you and annoying you awake
And pray that we'll be able to watch you both grow

It's moments like these when I sneak off to do my Asar,
And when I'm done I look up at you
The only way I know you're awake is when I see your flailing arms
So I come to you and say your name
And you smile at me like we just shared a private joke
With a glint in your eye and a gorgeous gummy grin
Oh Alya, it's moments like these that I wish time stood still

It's weekends like these
When everything seems chaotic
My clothes are wet from having showered one headstrong toddler
And another squirming infant
Or I'm watching your Abang flip food from his highchair onto the floor
And soothing your cries
That leave me exhausted
But deep down I know I wouldn't give up this time for the world

It's in a life like this
That I know I am so blessed
But fail to see it sometimes
You made me see today, Alya
That time I get to spend with you
Is a god-given gift
And when I go back to work
You both may not always be the first things on my mind
But always, always in my heart.

A different A.M

2009-03-03T10:42:00.003+08:00

You see, it started as one of those warm fuzzy "I Love You Mama" mornings with my two babies next to me on my milk and spit up stained sheets. Then Zain got a bit irritated that I chose his milk time to trim his nails and started whining, which escalated into a mini melt down. So he got a small chiding to which he decided to take a swing at me, which landed on Alya's head. So he got a quick smack on the arm and after some tears, he said Sowwy Alya, and took her hand. Now he does this often, kissing her fingers, saying "Small fingers, so cute". But today he chomped down on her pointer leaving his sister wailing and teeth marks so deep they looked like they were about to draw blood. So I had two shell-shocked kids in bed, and one husband who runs in to this messy scene. Just seconds ago, he was enjoying his eggs quietly at the breakfast table.

Ahhh sibling rivalry. And if my wonderful mama friends' stories are anything to go by, this is but a sneak peek into what my mornings will look like for many years to come. The other lesson to learn -- if you want kids, don't count on a quiet breakfast. What was your morning like?

A.M

2009-02-27T16:16:00.003+08:00

This is what my mornings look like. They're filled with smiles and kisses, heavenly baby scents and pure love. Ok there are also a couple of loaded diapers, a fair amount of snot and lots of "Zain, be gentle". But otherwise, this completely beats rushing into work clothes and running out the door. I think I may be enjoying maternity leave a bit too much, but am savouring it while it lasts. I know there are quite a few of Zain, it's cos we're teaching him how to smile. We're planning a photoshoot in June -- a timeline totally dependent on giving my hair time to grow out and my belly to become abs of steel hahaha.

What are your mornings like?

To Bok with Love

2009-02-25T09:34:00.001+08:00

Chatty

2009-02-23T12:55:00.001+08:00

25 Random Facts

2009-02-20T13:08:00.007+08:00

This tagging thing can be tiring sometimes, but I actually learned so much from reading my friends' lists. So I started thinking of my own, but couldn't come up with 25 things I think people would be interested in knowing about me. So I compiled a family version. Here's 25 random facts in complete random order about the Abdul Hafiz family.

1) Hafiz and I have known each other since 1991 (I was 14 and he, 16). We got married 13 years later.
2) When we were considering purchase of our current flat, the mother of the owner touted it as being a 'lucky' place for conception, the previous owner having conceived 3 kids here. Six months into living here, we conceived Zain. And shortly after Zain turned a year, we conceived Alya. Of course all God's grace, but it's one of the things that make you go hmmm.
3) We deliberately chose 4-letter names for our babies.
4) I went diving while pregnant with Zain (I didn't know it at that time of course).
5) Hafiz and I both have family in KL, Canada, England and Brunei.
6) We each have a cousin named Natasha, Reza and Nadia (although my cousin's name is Nadeeya).
7) Zain's birth certificate number ends with 84, Alya's ends with 83.
8) Zain's birth certificate number ends with the letter A, Alya's ends with Z.
9) The best investment we've made is a king-sized bed, as we now sleep 4 abreast :) Ok if you're worrying if Hafiz and I will ever have room to make another baby, don't worry, we have our ways. Lol, ok I'll stop there before you gag.
10) Meanwhile, our helper has her own room.
11) Neither of us has ever had a helper in our family homes, and we're now realising why some people can get so mad with them.
12) Hafiz and I each have a parent of Indian parentage, making our children approximately half Indian.
13) As a couple, we're known as the doubleAs by the shotbyreds (Fau and Farhat). For my name it's obvious, but for Hafiz's it's cos they call him Apis. And they call his office ApisOpis.
14) Our biggest disagreement is if Zain should go for classical piano lessons (my choice of course) or motorcross lessons at the age of 5. As I type this I realise that we're each trying to fulfill our own dreams through Zain. Poor boy, but that's what children are for...lol.
15) The last time we stepped into a club, I asked Hafiz why the music was so loud, and he said "Hold on, let me go look for chairs so we can sit". It was then we knew we were too old for this scene.
16) The last movie we watched in a cinema was The Devil Wears Prada, while I was pregnant with Zain.
17) When I was 5 months pregnant with Zain, I went to Orlando. When I was 5 months pregnant with Alya, we went to Langkawi.
18) Hafiz wants 8 kids and the scary part is that I'm warming to the idea. Haha we'll see.
19) Only after we started dating seriously did we realise that our mums actually go to the same Quran reading class and had spoken of each other before.
20) On our first official date, Hafiz took me to an Arab restaurant and I burned my fingers trying to move a candle lamp. Then I had to rush off for a work emergency. Not that I'm a doctor or anything but a client couldn't open a file, and clients being clients, that's almost a national crisis. Hafiz thought I had arranged a decoy and that I was escaping a bad date.
21) My parents have 3 girls and a boy, Hafiz's have 3 boys and a girl.
22) When we first started dating, Hafiz had long hair and a full beard.
23) Our first family car is a red Mitsubishi Lancer that we bought for a sweet $44,988.
24) We live two carparks away from Masibok, who has never stopped to think twice about helping us out. She's washed our clothes, babysat, done groceries, trained the maid, cleaned my house, washed my babies' bums, rearrange my hall among a million things. And the babies love her.
25) Allah gave us both our babies as surprises. And if you know me at all, you'd know how I love surprises, but these by far have been the greatest of my life.

Little Angel

2009-02-15T23:27:00.001+08:00

When you Gotta Sleep, you Gotta Sleep

2009-02-13T16:47:00.005+08:00

Babies are such fascinating people. When you want them to sleep, they don't and when you don't, they're out like a light. I know I'm gonna get flak for taking pictures while they're asleep cos of that thing called pantang, but could you resist posting these?

Hari Raya Haji 2008 -- collecting money can be tiring

Play till you drop

The only time these two are quiet

One very sleepy rock star

Zain toggles between his bed and ours. This morning, he couldn't decide

Alya's chill out power nap

A model of femininity

Moments of peace for mum

Like I said, feminine...

Sweet dreams

What are Your Dreams Made of?

2009-02-13T16:36:00.003+08:00

Mine are dairy, obviously :)

My Bunnies

2009-02-12T13:04:00.003+08:00

Graduated

2009-02-08T21:37:00.002+08:00

Off with the Bob, on with the new. We stripped Zain's Bob the Builder Crocs and migrated the jibitzs (or is it kbitzs) to his new brown ones masi Aized bought. He used his Bobs for about 6 months and has come to call shoes 'Bob'.

He wasn't particularly pleased though...

Happy 1st Month

2009-02-08T12:32:00.002+08:00

Everyday you grow even more pretty... sometimes I watch you sleep and catch a glimpse of your Masi Aized in you. Even when your Abang Zain knocks your rocker about, insists he carries you while you're asleep, kisses your fingers and makes his usual ruckus, you calmly open your eyes and watch as if to catch the action before going off to sleep. I love you Noor Alya.

Zain-isms

2009-02-04T21:38:00.009+08:00

Kapai jabu (pakai baju, wear clothes)
Come, ees show yew (come, I'll show you)
Is see saw (we can't figure out what this means, but it is always in response to the question, "Zain, are you ok?")
Brush teesh (brush teeth)
Diffuan (this one)
I cawwy Mama (I carry mama, which actually means he wants me to carry him)
Soda (sudah, finish)
Car, wee are you? Wee is car gone? Is heading? (Car, where are you? Where has my car gone? Is it hiding?)
Mama ooowie ah-side weedow (Mama, the aeroplane is outside the window)

Then there are the completely original and incomprehensible catch phrases (and I mean real catchy phrases - we sometimes use his words like "Hun, which doughnut do you want?" "Diffuan") that seems to stick a lifetime.

Faiz-ism: Alakah Nonen -- No meaning
Tas-ism: Thambi Talegedded -- No meaning but said over and over again for no apparent reason
Zain-ism: Wak Wak Diggle -- Also no meaning, but I think the Wak Wak could be what what, but that's just a guess

Pictures were shamelessly stolen from www.tasjoakim.blogspot.com. So sue me :)

Must.Change.Blog

2009-02-02T18:45:00.007+08:00

I considered changing the name of this blog, many times. And really, I only just realised how obnoxious it sounds to imply that we actually made our baby - we may have done the deed, but the real miracle we all know is the work of the glorious One. It was hard finding a blog name that wasn't taken when I started the blog, so I went with We Made a Baby. I did consider changing it to We Made Another Baby. But if I changed it now, how would I answer all of my four followers :)

I did change the title of the blog, from Our First Baby, to Room in My Heart, after answering an interview question, "What preparations are you making for baby?". Since I was so convinced that baby would be another boy, preparations were little - if only to make space for the babies to sleep with us, and room for the helper - so my answer was to make room in my heart for yet another love of my life.

But if I were completely, completely honest, I did harbour secret hopes that it would be a girl. Not because Zain has not been a delight to watch grow up. Not because I feel that a girl would 'complete my family' for if you asked Hafiz, we're not even half done with producing offspring. Certainly not because we have room for toys other than Zain's cars, aeroplanes and an assortment of other boys toys, including a pool noodle which he uses to smack people. Perhaps it's because it would be a nice change to experience bringing up a girl. And since we're being completely honest here, I must say the variety of girls' clothes is a definite pull factor.

So convinced I was it would be a boy that I just received an package of clothes I ordered while I was pregnant which a onesie that reads "Daddy's Tough Guy". Never mind that she still has to wear Zain's repertoire of onesies that read "Future Quarterback" among other boy slogans. During labour, we asked Dr Jazlan about circumcision to which he said, "What makes you think it's a boy?"

I don't think I would have been any less elated if it were a boy. But till today I look at you Alya, and I can't believe all those curly eyelashes, sweet lips, round cheeks are mine. I can't wait to watch you bloom.

My Beautiful Babies

2009-01-28T19:30:00.003+08:00

Big Brother

2009-01-20T14:25:00.004+08:00

My sweet little Zain went through quite a bit since we brought Alya home. Suddenly he was plunged into the complicated world of big brotherhood. For the first four days, he refused to eat his meals and only had bread and jam and milk. Then he fell ill with a terrible virus with high fever and a nasty bout of diarrhoea. But nevertheless, he's a real loving brother, kissing her head, touching her hands saying, "baby's so small", telling her not to cry and wanting to carry her all the time but when I actually hand her to him, he says, "woo, too tall"...for some reason. Now if we can only get him to call her Alya, instead of Dah-yia, which is actually his name for the gorgeous Dahlia, Fau and Farhat's baby :)

I love you so much Zain. You've captured mama's heart like none other and seeing you with Alya makes my heart soar. You'll be a fantastic big brother.

My Funny Little Lady

2009-01-20T14:18:00.002+08:00

The Birth Story

2009-01-19T18:20:00.011+08:00

I love this phrase. Just because there is always a story behind each birth. I even caught myself reliving the days I laboured before Zain came into the world to the nurses in the labour ward, and they tutted at all the right places and wished me a speedy delivery this time. And comparatively, this one was indeed speedy.

On Wednesday morning, I called Masibok to come to the rescue right after subuh to come watch Zain in case we had to rush to the hospital as I had contractions the whole night. She made funky videos of me making Zain breakfast, having breakfast, baby's movements and timed my contractions. Soon after, I called Dr Jazlan who told me to take my time coming in, given how slowly my cervix progressed the last time. So by waiting an hour for the stock market to open so I could check how much I was losing, I thought would be time enough, but when we went in, I was only 2cm dilated and told to go home, grin and bear the pain. This, I welcomed as my chance for a normal delivery as anyways, there was nothing the could do to help me along considering the first caesarean.

So home bound I was, and doing ok, ate three cheese sausages, watched House until the contractions hit me something hard around 3pm. And by the time Hafiz rushed home from work, I was writhing all over the house, a far cry from the "quiet labourer" I claimed to be. As Hafiz made me dinner, al dente mee goreng packet only he does so perfectly, I was slumped over every piece of furniture I could find, crying and groaning. At some point, even sobbing, leaving Hafiz regretting telling me to let the emotions out. Haha.

So as I took a shower, I made Hafiz call Dr Jazlan again to see if this pain is significant enough to come in again, and he said, knowing me, the cervix would still be taking its time, so to see how far I can go. I lasted all of maybe an hour after that, with us hightailing it to the hospital for some drugs. But even as I plastered by face against the car window, Hafiz kept to the KPE speed limit, remembering my favourite phrase, "we don't have money to waste on summons." Remind me to keep my mantras to myself next time.

By the time we got there, a few puffs of gas, and a dose of that glorious thing they call a happydural, it was happy days for me. Hafiz says I looked like Doraemon complete with silly grin and blue hospital gown. But during the epidural, I had taken such deep breaths of the gas that it felt like an out-of-body experience. I could hear myself in the distance, speaking in a man's voice, but still, like I said, happy days.

By then, I was 4cm, Dr burst the water bag and said baby will come before subuh. But when the nurses checked again, I was only 6cm by 7am. And between then and the time they thinned out the epidural so I could feel contractions enough to push, I did things that seemed all too familiar, like brushing my teeth out of foam cups, had Hafiz wipe my face, comb my hair so I'd look half decent when greeting my baby to the world (fat chance), watched repeat CNN reports, was once again reminded of how badly the stock markets were doing, read, tried to sleep - all the things I did during the first labour.

By 1 plus, I was ready to push and since it was my first time actually reaching this stage, I was delirious with excitement yet knew squat about pushing, so just did what felt a lot like crapping. Then, with Hafiz's counting (later the nurses were giggling at how the could hear him like a commando officer doors away), the nurses' coaching, Dr Jazlan's expert hands and a pair or archaic-looking forceps, out plopped baby between my legs.

And that was the first time we actually discovered that all along, all those strong kicks and feisty jostling were actually the doing of a sweet baby girl. Our Noor Alya.

Hafiz snipped with cord, azan-ed in her ears and carried her around the ward like a trophy while calling everyone with the good news. Only he didn't tell anyone the sex and made them come down to find out. After being cleaned and wheeled to a regular ward, I took a shower and waited for Zain to come. By now I was sick with missing him, having not seen him for a day and a half. And everyone waited to see Zain's first expression when he saw Alya. I sat on my rubber ring, with Zain by my side on the bed, Hafiz carried my pink bundle from the basin and handed her to me. Zain's first words about his sister - "Put Back".

The next day, we were told that Alya had G6PD and had to be kept in case jaundice sets in so we moved to a studio room, and for a while, Hafiz and I had some semblance of a normal life. Alya was kept at the nursery and only wheeled in when she needed to be fed. Then the next morning, after Hafiz had left for home to get a change of clothes, they called to say she didn't have G6PD after all and could be discharged, so I packed lightning fast, eager to get home.

Today, Alya is about 2 days short of 2 weeks and while last week I wanted to blog about how she would take dainty sips of breastmilk before falling asleep, today she gulps a breastful. She sleeps like an angel with her upturned eyelashes and thin set lips and makes funny faces. She has a full set of pink clothes (of course) from nenek and looks set to take on my skin tone. In fact I have this theory about second-borns and how they always tend to be darker-skinned.

Yesterday I had my first urut session, and pledged to Hafiz to be a good girl with the jamu and keeping the bengkung on as my 30-year-old body needs all the help it can get getting back into some kind of discernible shape. But after about 5 hours, I peeled off the metres of cloth and showered, slathered on cocoa butter and strapped on the abdominal binder. Much better smelling.

Meet My Princess

2009-01-16T16:33:00.005+08:00

Noor Alya Abdul Hafiz
Born 8 Jan 2009
1401hrs
2.98kg

Pregnant and Loving It

2008-12-31T15:09:00.005+08:00

When we had friends over the other night, Fau commented at seeing a studio photo we took while pregnant with Zain, that I should have done one this pregnancy too. Mmmm yeah... Then I lamented that now's too late cos the nose has started to swell to (my fave phrase) cartoon character proportions and I'm just too large. This, not remembering that I had a shoot at the office with four other colleagues who were due within a month from me (I'm the earliest). It's for an internal newsletter, so it was fun fun (in Zain's words). So now at least I know I have some record of this pregnancy and how I looked. Which, by the way, is pretty much the same as the last pregnancy, just that this time I cropped my hair short in preparation for labour. With Zain I had to go 3 days without showering, by which time my long locks were matted to the back of my head from lying down for so long. So this time, I'll settle for a shorter crop, no matter how it sticks out at funny angles.

Other things that I had the first pregnancy:

- Hafiz made me freshly squeezed fruit medleys every morning, which he claims is the reason why Zain was such a big baby... Also perhaps the reason why he didn't do it this pregnancy (not once) BUT this morning I had fresh orange juice from the apek at the canteen and a free banana from the pakcik when I told him today was my last day at work. "Dah berhenti, nak?"... "Tak cik, nak beranak." Somehow that sounded funny in my head, but obscene when I actually said it to him.
- Hafiz rubbed Palmer's oil on my stretched belly every night and whispered the shahadah to baby-Zain-in-vitro. This time, once... BUT I also managed to find a little more time to mengaji on my own.
- We went to the fish market at Senoko at 3am with the shotbyreds to shop for a bbq. None of that this time, I'm asleep by 10.
- I exercised a whole lot - swimming at the Yio Chu Kang pool, walking around the neighbourhood at night with Hafiz. This time, I swam once at the NSRCC and that was just because I had bought a new swimsuit from Gap and wanted to use it at least once. Mission accomplished. Oh and does running around with Zain count as exercise? For sure!

Friends

2008-12-28T10:57:00.003+08:00

All born in 2007. Next year, at this time, there'll be 5. Fau, you'd like to add to that number? :)

Eating

2008-12-28T10:43:00.003+08:00

Zain speak:
"Mama wee (where) are you?"
"Come, eel (I'll) show yew"
"Mama is sleeping"
"Week (wake) up, Mama"
"Mama is doing? (what is mama doing?)"
"Mmm nyum nyum, gooood"
"Tickle Tickle"
"Ok dar-ying (darling)"

Busy Busy

2008-12-27T09:35:00.004+08:00

I forgot how it is to be so big that crumbs catch on the crest of my bump, it's hard to do dishes without getting wet and leaning so far forward I get a backache (good excuse eh?), that doing my prayers leaves me winded, and generally feeling remarkably whale-like. Still, I must say I like being pregnant, that it works for me. But this state of glowy, luscious-hair, insatiable thirst for ice-cold drinks (I finished a jungle freeze from Fish and Co yesterday, that's like a litre of slush), bulbous nose and almost constant state of anxiety (is that a contraction or bowel movement?) is soon to come to a close. Dr says about 2 weeks, or less.

The best best part of pregnancy, especially in these late stages, is that you really really get to put your life in perspective - what really matters in life, picking my battles, it's a good state to be in, especially since my life is going to be completely overturned with arrival of number 2. I worried for about two weeks that Zain isn't potty trained yet, and they say it's bad timing to try to when there is any other element of change in the child's life. But what the hell, I'll get to it later then.

As of today, I have about 2 and a half working days, 2 post-morts, 2 presentations, 1 photoshoot and 1 discussion before I go on maternity leave, so if baby doesn't throw me a curveball, I should have enough time to do all that and finish all the washing and rearranging of our room and lives. You see, the helper was supposed to be in by now, but some ticketing problems will only see her in mid Jan.

Amid all this chaos, my sweet Hafiz and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. A far cry from the romantic Conrad stay we had last year, we went to see the gynae in the morning, looked for a safe at Carrefour, had lunch at Ichiban Boshi cos I felt like eating ebi tempura and then later a coit tower :p and later felt so sick we went home to sleep. And these days sleep really means sleep :) At night, we went to sign papers for the helper, had dinner and rushed to get Zain cos we missed him bad by then. But that was really my idea of a good day. Just the two of us, great conversations although most of it centred on Zain and the comfort of knowing that God gave me a good man.

This pregnancy, time passed fast. In between work and trying to keep give our flat some semblance of home, watching Zain grow and trying to adjust our lives to face the downturn. I'm excited at meeting you, baby! I can't wait, but this time, we're really trying for a normal delivery. My plan is to labour a bit more at home rather than running to the hospital like we did with the first pregnancy. Plus this time I cannot be induced, so it's all me and you baby.

Zain's been keeping me active, that's as far as my fitness plan has gone. We're excited that Hafiz will be able to witness the birth, normal or caesarean, since we're at this new hospital. Please doa for us, that the delivery will be a smooth one. Here's our pick of names, feel free to vote, but I'm waiting to see baby before deciding:

Boy
- Umar bin Abdul Hafiz
- Riaz bin Abdul Hafiz
- Arif bin Abdul Hafiz

Girl
- Noor Alya Abdul Hafiz

Haha, I guess if it's a girl, we wouldn't have too many problems.

On Hari Raya Haji morning. Zain didn't like the stiff collar.

We Took a Bus

2008-12-14T12:12:00.004+08:00

Zain's first bus ride, initiated by his Nek Bok was a resounding success. He loved it, naming everything we passed -- Taksi (taxi), car, crane, big wowwy (lorry), Dada Dol's van and so on. Every time we stopped though to let people on or off, he'd yell "Go, Go!" to the driver.

We took a bus to the airport, a sky train in between terminals, had breakfast, met Tas and Hesham, Zain dropped Bob into the fountain, Hesham had to retrieve it, wun, wun, wun (run,run,run) and had to take a cab back cos Zain developed some allergy reaction. Lol

Labels

2008-12-04T13:49:00.002+08:00

You know how we sometimes label people too quickly? Like, "Bully" I'd mutter to that guy who cut in front of 20 other cars waiting to turn. "Sucker" I'd mutter to the well...sucker who let him in. "Dimwits" I'd mutter to the rest of the cars who take too long to negotiate a simple turn. Now, those are my polite labels. You should hear the ones Hafiz comes up with :) But before you label us "judgmental" or "rude" I'd say we're all guilty of this one a daily basis.

But, I read somewhere about how we can improve that by giving people the benefit of the doubt. So now, when some bully cuts in front of a sucker, I'd think to myself, perhaps he's rushing to the hospital to see his sick mum... and that makes me feel better. Especially having been in situations where we were rushing Zain to the hospital and wishing every car out of our way, I'd imagine that that guy is so urgently wanting to get somewhere, where it could mean a life or death situation.

BUT I'd say one sure way to get into any mum's bad books is to label her child. Now, I'd take it -- albeit unwillingly -- if it were completely true and came from someone who had some right to label Zain. But the last two that passed my ears didn't qualify. First, at Zain's checkup, the doc had lured Zain to his table to get his chest checked with some wooden blocks. While doc was doing his thing, Zain dutifully knocks several blocks to the floor, to the unhesitant remark from doc, "Naughty Boy". Now I know by a lot of standards, this sounds mild. But the first time he said this to Zain some months ago, we were forcing the nebuliser mask onto his face and he was kicking up a storm. That first time, I cried after. Haha. Don't ask. But this time, I retorted, "You think that's naughty? You haven't seen naughty!" Haha not the best comeback I know, but certainly the best I could think of at that moment.

Then the very next day, we were at a triage booth at a hospital, and the nurse was taking his oxygen levels. And Zain, who was already in a sleepy, lack-of-energy-having-thrown-up-5-times stupor, looked up and said "Open", which sounds a little like oooopaiiiin. So this nurse says sternly, "Don't lie, it's not pain". Hey, hell hath no fury as a protective mum scorn, I tell ya, but still I didn't release all devils on her. "He said OPEN, not PAIN", I stated factually. Ok so she may not have known Zain's pronunciation nuances, but that is NO REASON TO LABEL SOMEONE'S CHILD A LIAR!

What's worrisome, is that these people deal with children all the time. Aww come on, these children are sick to boot. Give them and the mums a break. But hey, these people are human too, and seeing how it's human nature to label, I'll let this slide.

But if anything Zain, if there were one label you'll never outgrow? It's this...

"Loved"

Muak!

Pure Happiness Is...

2008-12-03T16:30:00.004+08:00

Zain and Baba time on Sunday mornings at the Pasir Ris Park.

It's a Boy!

2008-12-03T14:09:00.007+08:00

No, ha ha, I still don't know the sex of baby #2. It may well be a boy, or a girl. But that's all I know for now :p Honest, I don't know either. I don't necessarily know why I'm keeping it a secret, nor did I think I would last this long (I thought I would cave in at 5 months) but I can tell you this -- I have a feeling that the more you wanna know, the stronger my resolve to not! Like my mother-in-law says, it's one or the other, so just let it be.

But back to the title of my entry... Following recent developments in the behavioural department of Zain, I thought I'd upgrade this book to the top of my must-read pile. It's a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons by Andrea Buchanen made me toggle between a realisation of why Zain does some stuff, a longing to pick the boy up and hug him and hope he'll never change, a desperation that he'd get over the 'phase' and pure terror that that some funky 'phase' will dawn upon us soon.

At first, I looked forward to reading the stories by the more familiar names like Jennifer Luack and Jodi Picoult. Then I realised that the common denominator in all the stories was that the bond between mother and son is not something you can pen in prose, no matter how eloquent these women are. Whether it's dealing with the disappointment of seeing a penis on the ultrasound, or trying to change a violence-loving boisterous tyke, every word in the book is a discovery. My favourite lines:

"...it's this boy, this son, that I am so enraptured by. This boy who makes me willing to turn myself inside out for him, and makes me repeat, "I am so lucky, I'm so lucky," like a mantra. It's not that his love is different because he's a boy. Or that mine is different because I'm his mother loving him. It's that he is who he is. Nothing like anyone I ever expected. A revelation. Just like my love for him."
- A Son's Love, Caroline Leavritt

Before this, I thought I was weird, with how crazy I was over my son. How I'd just completely melt when he says Mama I love you and throw his small arms around my neck. Cos sometimes, it's such a natural thing among parents when we start on our boys, to talk about how active they are, how they get into trouble, their tantrums. It's almost expected, with a trained roll of the eyes, that we start with the negative. But after reading the book, I asked the same mums, and they say they wouldn't change their sons for the world.

In the past few days, Zain and I have been floored by a stomach virus, that has seen him clinging to me like a koala the moment I come into view. In his stomach discomfort, he's been extra needy and gembeng, and truth be told, I've lost it more than once. You see, I'd be trying to juggle him above my large tummy and he'd be insisting on going outside at midnight. Last night, I carried him to sleep perched on my belly in the corridor between the lift landing and the common rubbish chute. And we only managed to make it back indoors because I had had to lie to him that the thunder was coming.

Now I've always told myself to never make him scared of something for my convenience, but I was desperate ok? I've been guilty of doing the thunder thing, and ants, so if he grows up being scared of either, I'll take full responsibility. Bad mum? I dunno. But I have also been accused of: giving in to him all the time...not being firm enough...giving in to him all the time...that his tantrums are all my doing cos I give in to him all the time.

Seeing how I tired I was being 34 weeks pregnant and spending nights tending to Zain's crazy tantrums and running to toilet myself, my own wonderful mum texted me, "It's okay my dear daughter, you are such a good mum. Just shukur (his sickness) is only for a while and not a severe case. He has given us countless joy so let's bear with this. If he could express his feelings, then of course it would be easy but he can't. Good night my dear daughter, Mum loves you as much as you love Zain".

It takes a mum to understand.

What will you remember?

2008-11-19T23:19:00.005+08:00

I attended a course some time ago, led by this amazing guy who used to be in the US Army (or Navy, I forget). He had the most amazing stories, and although he first struck us like a hard-nosed-stickler-for-punctuality-in-a-Nazi-kinda-way guy, so many things he said in those three days still stay with me. One of the things that kept me completely riveted to all he had to say was the fact that many of his stories centered on his children. Whether it was the lessons he learned from them, how he brought them up, funny things they did, he narrated them, and in his eyes, you could see the love he had for his sons and grandchildren.

Anyway, sometimes the most important thing from a course is the takeaway message. Funny that I remembered these things -- considering the course was entitled Assertiveness and Conflict Management.

One of the exercises we went through was to prove that different people start remembering their lives from different ages, thus forming what they turn out to be as an adult and determining their personality type. So he went around the room asking what were each of our earliest memories. So there were the happy stories -- birth of a sibling, getting a pet -- and there were the sad -- losing a grandparent, getting lost. But in general, everyone's memories started from around the time they were about 4 or 5.

Then I wondered, Zain, what will your earliest memories be? I hope they'll be happy ones that when you had to recollect, you'd smile and we'd be a large part of it. Mine, were many -- of getting to eat the crust that your Nenek would peel off the top of her scrumptious cakes, of eagerly awaiting for your Dada to come back from a flight... I remember how he smelled of the aircraft and how carrying his jacket made me feel important. I remember playing hopscotch on the pavement at the side of our house at Mimosa Park with Masi Tas, I remember my nenek, me having to buy Benson & Hedges from the ice-cream man, her crystal ashtray, how she'd braid my hair, I remember your nekbok balling up rice and pretending to fall asleep and when we say ahhh for the next bite she'd pretend to startle, much to our delight. I remember talking with Masi Aized until we fell asleep. I had a great childhood Zain, with so much love and happiness. I hope yours will be the same.

Insistence

2008-11-12T18:40:00.003+08:00

Everyday, you do something that takes me completely off guard
Like yesterday you learned how to say "hammer" and "kiwi"
But sometimes that something makes me wanna scream,
Sometimes it makes me laugh
One of those laughs that really really massages my heart
And makes my tummy tingle.

Sometimes, it's "Mama... Memo (for Nemo)" that you insist on
Others, it's toti (for bread) in the middle of the night
Sometimes it's "See Car/Bird/OOOweee (for plane)"
Sometimes you don't wanna put on your shoes but insist on walking on the road... without holding my hand.

The other day, you took a cooking tong from the kitchen
And insisted we bring it out for a ride in your car
So you dragged that long metal noise machine on the road
While I pushed you around the neighbourhood
Creating such a frightful screech that people stared
"What mum lets her son play with kitchen utensils?"
They must think.
The "they" here are non-parents who never had to deal with an insistence.

Last night, you insisted on wearing my sunglasses
At 1030 at night
I knew you were just over-tired as you're normally asleep by then
So I indulged you
But this is just one of those times that the ridiculousness of the whole scene gives me the giggles
And you stood there watching Handy Manny through the shades
So as your eyelashes started batting
The way they do when you try to battle sleep
I stifled my laughter
And lay you down
And you slept, complete with shades, looking like a cross between an angel and a rock star.
My funny little boy.

A million questions

2008-10-28T18:55:00.002+08:00

We just always have a million questions for him each day, especially since he is building his big bank of words. Remind me not to complain when he reverses this on us...

Snapshots of Raya

2008-10-27T18:26:00.006+08:00

With Moyang Jah

With Tok Rashid watching planes and buses

Zain's uncle, Anaqi

With Moyang Fatimah

Pitstop for a sink (not sunken) bath at nenek's

Dahlia is so social, Zain I think may not be used to so much attention hehe. This kind of modesty with girls is what I hope for years into your adulthood ok?

Hafiz practising juggling two

Masibok made Abah cupcakes for his birthday cake, which read "Happy 60th Birthday Abang Noor from your in-laws". Very sweet and the cakes were wonderful! Incidentally, Abah turned 60, I turned 30 and Rizuan turned 15 this year.

Zain being nice to Uncle Anaqi who was a little cranky from having been woken up from sleep

I wanna give you wings

2008-10-23T18:30:00.004+08:00

Zain, with each waktu I pray,
I ask not that you will realise your biggest dreams
But that we will be able to take you there
Play all the correct roles
Say the right things
Teach you the right lessons
Keep you in right company

I know these are but lofty ideals
Especially so in these days when your stubborn streak seems to surface every now and then
And your favourite word is no
I struggle to carry you on my hip to accommodate my growing belly
And struggle to keep some sense of calm
The thing about you though, is that you will always say sorry
When you know we're angry with you
Or that you did something wrong.
That, among so many things,
like how you stroke my swollen belly and kiss it
"muuuuak, adiiiik" you'd say
Just make my day

Every night when I carry you home
You'd be asleep in my arms
and I'd wipe you down, especially your soles
Cos you seem to find the oddest nooks to play in
And doa...
May these feet walk the right path

I always say to your baba,
I wonder if one day, it'll be
Ustaz Zain
Dr Zain
or
Prof Zain

Whatever it may be, you'll always be mama's Zain
Whatever it may be, I wanna give you those proverbial wings
That will make you realise the best you can be
And whatever it may be, I pray I'll be there to see you soar

I'm such a fan of Yasmin Ahmad's work - and almost all things soppy - her works just tug at your heart strings. I always grab at tissues when I sense the music getting a bit drama and blame the hormones. Her newest Petronas ad for Deepavali - much like her MCYS one - is just so real, so close to home.

The way the cookie crumbles

2008-10-21T12:09:00.006+08:00

These weekends are choc-a-bloc with visiting, but Zain won't miss his Sunday morning baba-time-at-the-beach-so-mama-can-do-housework-in-peace. This, when followed by visits to three houses, makes Zain one cranky boy. But perhaps the most sure thing at the end of these types of activity-filled days are that he will wake up in the middle of the night and demand for something -- be it Nenik (nenek), ayer (water), a-mert (milk) or the most popular Mama (hehe I like). But early Monday morning, he came up with something new... he wanted a cooket (cookie). So Hafiz scrambles in after being seconded to the couch cos Zain kept getting awaken by his snores, and then trudges out to the fridge to get this all important cooket. But somewhere between the bed and the fridge, Zain changes his mind to a-mert, which Hafiz dutifully mixes up. So he's sucking away for some quiet moments before he remembers his demand for a cooket, which Hafiz has stored in the milk powder dispenser. The moment cooket is in his small palm, he goes off to sleep, Hafiz goes back to the couch and I watch the movements of this cooket closely in order to not get crumbs on the fresh sheets. Of course, the moment I pull it out of his palm he starts screeching (eyes still close, mind you). But between milk, cookie demands, sweet hubby coming in and out, about half an hour has passed and I doze off, obviously losing eye of cooket, and the next time I open my eyes, it's in pieces all over said sheets. So I spend the next half hour picking crumbs off, cos the thought of ants (or in Zain-speak, arst) biting my baby is too much to take. I wipe down the sheets with wet wipes, but not before banishing thoughts of getting the vacuum cleaner out. By this time, I am an hour down from my already short 6-hours of sleep, and finding it hard to drop off. Not quite the start I envisioned for a week packed with 2 presentations, numerous dry-runs, a big meeting and one brainstormer. The whole point of my long drawn drama mama story? Deepest apologies if we don't make it to your house this raya. My 7-month preggers body needs some rest.

One pooped baby boy & his Pooh